Thursday, July 28, 2011

Comedy of the Mountains

Although I cannot remember ever telling a joke in the pulpit, there have been many funny stories. These stories have happened during the thirty-five years of pastoral work in the mountains. Laughter is good medicine. I hope you enjoy them. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Ruby was one of the song leaders in one of the first congregations that I worked as interim pastor. She only had one tooth in the front but she had a beautiful voice. When she opened her mouth to sing and looked heavenward with that tooth sticking out…. you just learned to overlook the tooth. She loved the Lord and singing was one of her favorite things to do. She was much older than me, and since I was only nineteen, it was no problem to pick her up on Sundays for the service. She had a boyfriend that walked from a little town called Dante. It was probably fifteen miles away, but he was faithful to come and see her. He had a speech problem and talked much like a child. One Sunday morning they were having relationship problems.

As the service progressed I could tell there was tension in the air. You can tell those things more easily when your congregation is about five people in a large building. Ruby led the songs but you could tell she was not doing her best. However, she was instant in season and out of season and she was determined to go through the motions. After the message, I asked for testimony or prayer concerns. The boyfriend just spoke up in a childlike voice and said Ruby was mad at him. This caused an almost angered response from Ruby who responded, “If I have done anything to him, I will gladly go to the altar and make it right.” Again, he responded in childlike voice, “Let’s go.” They proceeded to the altar where they cried and wept and hugged while the other three people in the congregation watched or just hung their head.

Another older lady that often visited unexpectedly, is the main character in many of my stories. Pearlie Mae was never married but loved to go to weddings whether she knew the people or not. It was one of the hottest summers we had ever had and I had a case of walking pneumonia that summer. One of the young men from the city police force had asked me to do his wedding. It was in another town and would be held at a home out in the country. It was a mid-day wedding and attended by invitation only. I didn’t feel well that morning, but went to pick up my suit at the cleaners. Upon returning home there was Pearlie Mae sitting on my porch recliner. She had on some real short shorts…. much like the length I would wear for boxers. I told her that I had to get ready for a wedding. She said, “I’m going to go with you.” I tried to tell her that it was a private wedding…. but she wanted to go anyway. She said she would just sit in the vehicle while I performed the wedding service. I still didn’t think it was a good idea because it was almost a hundred degrees. There was no persuading her any different.

Heading up the interstate I realized there was some lint on my suit jacket. I had laid it in the seat beside me since it was so hot. She proceeded to take my jacket and hold it out the window to let the wind blow the lint off. I then realized it would probably be a day to remember. Upon arriving at the wedding location, I parked at the bottom of the hill. The wedding would take place at a house up on a little knoll. Pearlie Mae said she would be alright down at the bottom and requested that I bring her back a barbeque sandwich. A couple of hours later I returned with her sandwich. I asked her if she got very hot while waiting. She responded, “Why heavens no, I got out and laid down in the grass. Some of those police came over to see if I was alright. I told them that they didn’t need to worry about me with all the drug problems they had in the city.” And, I am sure she told them that she was with the preacher.

To be continued…..




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