Comedy of the Mountains

Although I cannot remember ever telling a joke in the pulpit, there have been many funny stories. These stories have happened during the thirty-five years of pastoral work in the mountains. Laughter is good medicine. I hope you enjoy them. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Ruby was one of the song leaders in one of the first congregations that I worked as interim pastor. She only had one tooth in the front but she had a beautiful voice. When she opened her mouth to sing and looked heavenward with that tooth sticking out…. you just learned to overlook the tooth. She loved the Lord and singing was one of her favorite things to do. She was much older than me, and since I was only nineteen, it was no problem to pick her up on Sundays for the service. She had a boyfriend that walked from a little town called Dante. It was probably fifteen miles away, but he was faithful to come and see her. He had a speech problem and talked much like a child. One Sunday morning they were having relationship problems.

As the service progressed I could tell there was tension in the air. You can tell those things more easily when your congregation is about five people in a large building. Ruby led the songs but you could tell she was not doing her best. However, she was instant in season and out of season and she was determined to go through the motions. After the message, I asked for testimony or prayer concerns. The boyfriend just spoke up in a childlike voice and said Ruby was mad at him. This caused an almost angered response from Ruby who responded, “If I have done anything to him, I will gladly go to the altar and make it right.” Again, he responded in childlike voice, “Let’s go.” They proceeded to the altar where they cried and wept and hugged while the other three people in the congregation watched or just hung their head.

Another older lady that often visited unexpectedly, is the main character in many of my stories. Pearlie Mae was never married but loved to go to weddings whether she knew the people or not. It was one of the hottest summers we had ever had and I had a case of walking pneumonia that summer. One of the young men from the city police force had asked me to do his wedding. It was in another town and would be held at a home out in the country. It was a mid-day wedding and attended by invitation only. I didn’t feel well that morning, but went to pick up my suit at the cleaners. Upon returning home there was Pearlie Mae sitting on my porch recliner. She had on some real short shorts…. much like the length I would wear for boxers. I told her that I had to get ready for a wedding. She said, “I’m going to go with you.” I tried to tell her that it was a private wedding…. but she wanted to go anyway. She said she would just sit in the vehicle while I performed the wedding service. I still didn’t think it was a good idea because it was almost a hundred degrees. There was no persuading her any different.

Heading up the interstate I realized there was some lint on my suit jacket. I had laid it in the seat beside me since it was so hot. She proceeded to take my jacket and hold it out the window to let the wind blow the lint off. I then realized it would probably be a day to remember. Upon arriving at the wedding location, I parked at the bottom of the hill. The wedding would take place at a house up on a little knoll. Pearlie Mae said she would be alright down at the bottom and requested that I bring her back a barbeque sandwich. A couple of hours later I returned with her sandwich. I asked her if she got very hot while waiting. She responded, “Why heavens no, I got out and laid down in the grass. Some of those police came over to see if I was alright. I told them that they didn’t need to worry about me with all the drug problems they had in the city.” And, I am sure she told them that she was with the preacher.

To be continued…..

The Birthing of the Lambs

I have had requests to write more about my childhood experiences with the sheep. Birthing of the lambs was a special time for my Dad and me. It was always uncertain timing and a little messy.

Most lambs were born in the winter and a few in the springtime. On cold winter nights my Dad and I would ride the old farm truck up to an old log barn. This is where my Dad would put the most expectant sheep. He could always tell which ones were closer to giving birth. Some births were natural but several weren’t. When the mother sheep could not deliver in her own strength, my Dad would have to go up in her and pull the lamb out. This was really messy. Sometimes the lamb or the mother would die in the process. If a mother sheep died, we ended up with an orphan lamb. If a lamb died, we would sometimes skin the dead lamb and put it on another orphan lamb hoping the mother sheep would adopt the orphan lamb. The mother sheep wasn’t easily fooled but the skin helped. Otherwise the orphan lamb became mine…. to raise on a bottle. It became what I called…. a pet lamb.

It has been prophesied that a billion youth will be saved in the next few years. This prophecy has been accepted as valid by almost everyone involved in the revival movement of our times. Giving of the prophecy is the easy part. Some of the birthing may be a little messy but most of it will come natural. The goodness of God and the truth proclaimed will lead millions to Christ. The love and compassion of older Believers will also touch the world. The hardest part will be the raising of the new believers. They will need fathers and mothers to bottle-feed and mentor them into full grown sons and daughters of God.

Paul said that there are not many fathers. There was a shortage in his day and there is a shortage today. One billion new souls brought into the kingdom will require millions of new pastors and at least a 100 million small group leaders if we use the ration of one leader for every ten. Where will these leaders come from? When nations are saved in a day, are we ready for them? There is a call for all of us to prepare to become fathers and mothers of the faith.

How to bring children into the world is easily understood, but fathering isn’t. Most of us didn’t know much about fathering when our children were born. We just had to do it. In our western society we have been taught that being a good provider is the key to fathering. It is not. It often leaves children confused and in need of mentoring to guide them into life. Just provision alone will not be enough for the new kids brought into the kingdom of God. Church services and bible classes will not be enough for the new spiritual children that are being born. They will need one-on-one experiences with older believers. They will need small group interaction where they can learn from the experiences of others. This will help them avoid major stumbling blocks and pits in the path before them.

Older believers can begin preparing for this great harvest by allowing God to judge their hearts. Like Paul we can allow them to imitate us as we follow Jesus passionately with all of our heart. We can also ask the Father of all fathers to teach us how to father and mother these new believers that are coming. It is a challenge, but it is exciting. It is the kingdom of Heaven coming to invade the earth. To become like our Heavenly Father is a challenge but it is His ultimate will for us. In the process of fathering we become more like Him.

A few nuggets gained along the way about fathering: first of all they just need to feel loved. They also need someone to believe in them. Their dreams and visions are important and they need encouragement in them. No matter how unique their vision may seem, we must allow them to be trained as such. When we try to bend them towards our desire for them, we can hinder them. Allow the branch to bend the way it needs to bend. Let’s stop trying to make images of ourselves in everyone. Finally, let’s pursue God with all our hearts and grab the young ones to walk with us on this precious journey of faith.

One of the most precious memories of springtime is how the lambs would jump and play in the new green fields. The winter was past. The mothers would just graze on the new grass while the little ones would play endlessly along beside them. The spring days became longer and as the sun would set, the lambs would gather around the mother for the cool nights. The barn was no longer needed because the ground was getting warmer. The warmth of the mother was enough. We can never under estimate the importance fathering and mothering will play in the coming harvest of the lambs. When the barn (church building) is no longer the most important place and the green fields beckon…. where will the fathers and mothers of the faith be?

How They Love

An in-depth study of the twenty-four Elders in the book of Revelation offers us more than just symbolism. Their reaction to all that happens in Heaven is remarkable. Elders hold honorable authority in church-life on earth, but these Elders in Heaven seem to honor and adore the Father on a much higher level.

They sit on thrones and they are clothed in white. Upon their heads are golden crowns (see Revelation 4 and 5). When the creatures of Heaven give honor, the Elders fall down before the Father and give their crowns to Him. When the book of judgment is about to be opened and they have a problem finding someone worthy to open the book, Jesus is found in the midst of the Elders. Jesus enjoys hanging out with these guys. When it is announced that Jesus will open the books, the Elders take up their harps, and golden bowls full of incense. They begin to sing a new song of His worthiness. The angels respond in creation-shattering praise and the creatures say, “Amen.” The Elders respond by falling down again and worshiping.

One definition (in the Greek) describing the word worship, is to respond like a dog licks the hand of its master. It would be safe that the Elders love and honor the Father so much they bow and lick the hand of the Father. If you prefer kiss the hand of the Father that is good too…. I just hope you get the picture. Here are persons of greatest authority sitting on thrones in Heaven and they have so much love that Jesus hangs out with them and they love to kiss the hand of the Father. What great love and adoration is portrayed here! This is a picture of the grace of true authority.

On earth, we seldom see people of authority being approachable or responding with much love. They usually are somewhat reserved and often abuse the authority given unto them. Elders in scripture were in that office because of longevity and faithfulness. It was the highest and most respected office in the early church. They were men and women who had been faithful to the Lord for a long time. However, time had not made them arrogant or prideful. They remained broken and humble before God.

Scripture tells us that the saints will judge the world and angels (see I Corinthians 6:2,3). Paul reasons that since we are given such an important task, we should be able to handle and judge smaller matters while still here in this life. This must take place from a place of love and with the grace of true authority. Our best example is Heaven’s example. Notice the love, adoration, and passion of the twenty-four Elders. Jesus told us to pray that the kingdom of Heaven and the will of God come to Earth. We need some of this kind of love on earth. Where there are seeds of this kind of love, let’s water it so that it reaches maturity. When we are in places of authority in any area of our lives, may we work and live out of a higher love that is so beautifully portrayed for us in Heaven.