Growing up in Appalachia I listened to people and their theology. One common thread I found woven into almost everyone’s theology was that Jesus loved us, but you had better watch out for His Father. It was the Father God who had lightning bolts coming out of His fingers, and we needed Jesus to protect us from His wrath. So most of my life, even after conversion, I feared the Father and felt a big distance between us. Somehow I had come to the understanding that this was the way it was supposed to be. Anything less or more would be irreverent and would get us into deeper trouble with an angry God. So I fell into the trap of Bible-belt religion, believing in a loving Jesus and an angry Father.
Then in 2003 I went to the Toronto Renewal in Toronto, Canada. It was the fall of the year and the leaves were evidence of the change of the seasons. I arrived in Michigan and rode with a friend to Toronto. I have to admit I was nervous. I had heard plenty about the Toronto Renewal and had been hesitant about going. I remember like yesterday riding into Toronto that night. It was already getting dark. The lights of the city were coming on. My plan was to find a seat in the back and just observe. I had heard about all the wild stuff that was happening there. Laughter and other extremes had gotten them lots of criticism. So what was I doing there? I had no idea. I just knew I wanted to experience in this life all that there is to experience of God. I had planned to eat the meat and spit out the bones.
Arriving at the church, I found a seat in the back because that was the only place where there were any vacant seats. The huge auditorium was packed out. Sure enough people were laughing, crying, hollering, running around, and doing almost everything. I kept a low profile that night. I was not offended by anything although it was way outside my box. I later realized that when you become desperate, as I was at that time in my life, it is harder to be offended. I may not have liked or understood everything I saw or heard, but I was after God and man could only be a small distraction in comparison to what I was looking for. Even if something seemed like a distraction, it didn’t hold my attention long, because I was looking for something really big. There were aspects of God I wanted to see and I am thankful I kept my eyes open long enough to see some of it.
One day a little guy who called himself the Jester came up and tried to shoot me with a play gun. The weird thing was that when he shot me, I felt like God touched me through this simple act. Eventually I did some weird things myself. We won’t even mention them here, not that I am ashamed or afraid, but because that is still not the main focus. Manifestations are never to be the main focus. There is something greater. Needless to say, I loosened up some. Compared to those around me, it may not have looked like I loosened up, but I did. My heart and my mind were really loosening up. Each speaker and each message touched something deeper in my heart.
Most of the messages were about the Father. Everyone seemed to be so in love with the Father. So many scriptures were being opened up about the love of the Father. It was like big flood lights were revealing the Father unlike anything I had ever seen, heard, or imagined. My theology was changing without me even knowing it. I began to see loving Jesus and loving Father. I began to see them as an exact representation of each other (see Hebrews 1:3). Then I got the biggest revelation I may have ever received in a lifetime. Suddenly, I realized that Jesus didn’t come to shield me from an angry God, but He came to connect me to the Father. He came to show us the Father. He came to bridge the gap between the world and the Father. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus would bridge the gap between God the Father and man. Jesus came to invite us to know Him as Abba.
I can remember so clearly how I struggled with the word Abba, which means Papa. I would try to address the Father as Papa or Daddy and it was hard. Even in my discomfort with saying it, I continued to call Him Papa. It took a long time for it to become easy. A couple of years later, I was helping with a women’s retreat. It had been a very special moment in the retreat and I was closing with prayer. I said, “You are a good Papa” and there was a peace that came into that place unlike anything I had ever known. It seemed everyone was touched by that simple line. It was then that I knew I was in love with a Father that was the sweetest God that man could ever know.
As the years have passed this revelation has increased. My view of the Father has become my cornerstone for how I build. It is the foundation of my theology (study and beliefs about God) and it is sweet. Jesus is perfect theology and He came to show us the Father. Everything Jesus did, the Father does the same. Jesus was kind (except for a couple of times) and so is Father. Jesus had compassion and so does Father. Jesus rejoiced (jumped up, and twirled around) and so does Father. The Father sings over us, dances, and laughs. Jesus was humble and it was illustrated in His washing the disciples’ feet. It would not surprise me if upon entering heaven, that my Father might just meet us there and wash our feet while saying, “enter into the joy of the Lord.” Father created and Jesus worked along beside Him. They are so alike. There is no division in them. One is just like the other. This great love we have is about loving Jesus and loving Father. Study the heart of Jesus and you will better know the heart of the Father. Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing. Jesus said only what He heard the Father saying. What a team. What a revelation. What a Father.
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